Q&A: Self-Esteem (4.1.2022)

1. How do I regain my self-identity after losing my self-esteem and self-confidence?


Regaining your self-identity does not mean going back to your old self. No matter how good or great your old self might be, you want to rebuild a better version of yourself.


You can learn from your past experiences, but you should not want to be the person in the past. You went through a lot in your life up until now, such as learning new knowledge and skills and going through negative and positive experiences that have shaped you into a different person, which means your new self-identity should be different. Use your negative and positive experiences to help learn more about your strengths and weaknesses to help form a better self-identity.


For example, if you find out that you need to relearn how to build your self-confidence and self-esteem, then take some time to learn those skills. And then, use those skills to help you form a better self-identity. Or, if you feel like you do not know who you are anymore, you can learn more about personal development to learn more about yourself and life. Once you learn something new about yourself, use that knowledge and skills to make your own decisions to build a new self-identity.


Remember that no matter how great the past is, you can be a better version of yourself in the future, which is what you should want to be.


2. How to have high self-esteem without being unrealistic?


High self-esteem is not about a destination but a state of being in the moment and believing in yourself that you can learn and improve to be better and achieve your goals and dreams. Whatever goals you have and believe in yourself that you can achieve them, that is not unrealistic, no matter how big or far your goals might be.


However, unrealistic is when you expect to get a result without putting the learning and effort in. If you have not gotten what or where you want, you want to re-evaluate your effort level. Are you putting in the learning and effort that your goals require to become successful?


Or unrealistic is when you expect to achieve a goal in an impossible time frame. For example, if you have a goal that requires you to learn for one year. However, if you expect to achieve that goal in 3 months, that is unrealistic. If you have big goals, they will most likely take longer than small goals.


The more you put in the time to learn and apply, the sooner you will achieve your goals. Therefore, the higher your self-esteem, the more you will believe in yourself, and the more motivation you will have to learn and apply to achieve your goals.


Furthermore, if you fail to meet a deadline to achieve your goal, high self-esteem will motivate you to continue to believe in yourself that you can still achieve your goal later. Sometimes in life, you will not be able to meet all your goals’ deadlines because life is not perfect. High self-esteem will give you the ability to still believe in yourself to keep moving forward until you succeed. In today society, no matter what you want to achieve, there is a path to achieve it. It just depends on your self-belief and the willingness to put in the learning and application to achieve your goals.


No matter what kinds of goals you have, small or big, they are not unrealistic if you are willing to put in the time and effort to make them happen and believe in yourself that you can get there.


3. How to be myself and not worry about judgment from others?


If you tend to feel worried about being judged by others, you are around the wrong people. The people you often feel judged by are the people who are unlikely to support you, who are the people you should not want to be around. In this case, you want to distance away from them as much as possible. Try to be around positive people as much as possible. Positive people are more likely to encourage and push you to be and do better with less judgment. For example, if you live with people who judge you, then try to go to places or attend groups with more positive people during the day. They can help you feel better and motivate you to do things that bring you more joy and happiness. You can also become a part of online positive groups to get support.


You also want to be on a personal development journey. This means always trying to find ways to learn and improve yourself. When your attention is on learning and improving yourself, you will feel better about yourself. Also, when you are busy learning and improving yourself, you will have less time and energy to worry about what others might think about you.


If you are truly on a personal development journey, you will have not a lot of time and energy to worry about what others think about you because there are so many things that you can learn and improve yourself on. For example, you can learn to improve your body, mind, spirit, career, relationship, etc. Those areas need your time and energy daily to become successful. Sometimes, you might not have the time to improve all those areas daily because your time is limited. Therefore, you can't run out of ways to learn and improve yourself. Be so focused on learning and improving yourself that you have no time to worry about what others might think about you. And that is the power of being on a personal development journey.


Third, learn how to be strong alone, and personal development can also help you with that. The more you learn and grow, the stronger you will become physically and mentally. You want to learn to develop the mindset that you do not need others to make your life possible. You can make your life possible on your own. Otherwise, when you start to believe that you need others, you will develop the need to impress and get others’ approval.


So, if you feel like someone is constantly judging you, you must be strong and walk away, even though you might have to be alone. Being strong alone is inner strength. Being strong alone allows you to walk away from others who judge you. Otherwise, you will always feel that you are being judged by them. That constant feeling of judgment will paralyze you from making the right decisions, even though you might know what is best for you.


You have to learn and develop yourself to the point that no matter what happens, you will be okay alone, even if no one is supporting you. And that is why personal development is so important. The more you learn and develop yourself, the stronger you will become to distance yourself from people who often judge you.


4. How do I combat and stop negative self-talk?


The first step to combat negative self-talk is to write down all your negative self-talk statements.


The second step is to write down the reason or how did each negative self-talk develop in the first place. One of the main reasons you have negative self-talk is that you have been influenced by the outside to believe certain negative things about yourself. For example, someone might say something negative about you, and then you start to believe them. As a result, you develop a negative belief about yourself and then start to turn that belief into negative self-talk. Or you might see something negative in the media, and it has influenced you to think negatively about yourself. Other influences that could impact your negative self-talk are videos, podcasts, or information on the media. Often, it is a combination of external influences that can start and make your negative self-talk stronger.


When you are aware of why you have negative self-talk, you can better find solutions to counteract them. For example, if you realize that certain videos influence your negative self-talk, you can start to avoid those videos. However, if you do not know what triggers your self-talk, how would you know what or who to avoid.


The third step is to shift your mindset from negative self-talk to positive self-talk. Since negative self-talk is influenced by the outside, the outside can also influence you to develop positive self-talk. You can learn more about positivity or positive self-talk. For example, you can go online and research how to become more positive or learn ways to develop positive self-talk. You can read books, watch videos, listen to audio, and get a mentor or coach. Today, with the internet, you can get access to many resources to help you combat negative self-talk.


It is important to understand that you will always have negative self-talk because you are being influenced daily by negative people and things in society. You cannot escape from them entirely. The only thing you can do to combat negative self-talk is learning how to shift from negative self-talk to positive self-talk. The moment negative self-talk manifests, you need to have the knowledge and skills ready to shift to positive self-talk immediately.


Also, shifting to positive self-talk is like learning to master any skill, which requires learning, effort, and discipline. You must keep on learning and applying and never give up. The more effort you put in to shift to a positive mindset, the more positive self-talk you will develop.

 

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